It's 12:17am (local time in Jakarta) and I have to prepare for work in roughly 5 hours but I had to force myself to move out of the bed and spend a few minutes to write this entry. The reason for doing so is the same with my previous post, I want to put into writing what I feel right at this very moment.
Early this morning (or yesterday morning, August 12), the entire world was shocked with the news about Robin William's passing. What made it all the more shocking is the fact that he died from suicide which was brought by his depression. I have to admit though that apart from remembering him as a funny guy, I don't have much "recollection" of him nor any of his movie did not make any "impact" in my life. That is mostly because I didn't get to watch a lot of his films. (Yes, I googled all his films and started downloading yesterday. Dead Poets Society, down. A lot more to go.)
Having said that, I will not even attempt to use his movies as reference to this entry. What struck me the most is the fact that this person is a FUNNY MAN. A man WHO MAKES ALMOST (at least to those who know him) EVERYONE LAUGH. Who would have thought that behind the "happy face" lies a person who is suffering from depression? I have a friend who tried to explain to me what the person who suffers from depression really feels (she knows someone who suffered from depression who attempted to end her life). Honestly, aside from depression is an illness, I didn't understand much and I don't think I will ever fully understand (unless of course I suffer from it) the entirety of it all. As cliche as it may sound, the saying "don't judge a book by its cover" rings true.
I didn't give it much thought this morning because 1) I was so busy and 2) Robin Williams have no significance in my life whatsoever. However, before finally giving in to sleep tonight, thoughts about what happened to Robin suddenly popped in my head (Ok fine, it might have been the result of seeing so many posts about him on my facebook timeline.) I suddenly examined myself because well, I am a happy/energetic person. So I had to ask myself countless of times if I am sure that I am fine (yes, I am weird and crazy that way.) And myself answered, "Yes. I believe I am fine." (another weirder side). My thoughts then went to all those happy people I am blessed to call as family or friends and also to those I've met along the way. Did I make sure to ask them at one point during our conversations and /or bonding moments of they are fine? Did I become too self-absorbed to forget to send a simple hi-how-are-you-are-you-doing-ok message to them?
Lastly, I told myself that it is about time to be mature and set aside my I-am-really-like-this-and-at-least-I-am-being-honest-and-showing-you-that-I-really-don't-like-you attitude and try to the best of my ability to be MORE KIND, MORE PATIENT, MORE TOLERANT and MORE ACCEPTING. Each and everyone of us is fighting our own battles. We may never know what a simple how are you, a sweet smile, or a simple touch could mean to one person.
So Len, straighten your wrinkles that show irritation, offer a genuine smile and utter a simple "how are you?" !
